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  • InWritings

    Born Again

    It was how you tried to psychoanalyze,
    as if there was a hidden motive
    behind my every move.
    You questioned my very nature
    and the way I survived,
    as if I was not doing it right.
    According to you there was
    a correct way to live and breathe,
    and my nature went against your beliefs.
    You needed to fix me, needed to heal
    some core foundation
    that was cracked wide open
    because I chose to let you in,
    little by little, until all my cracks
    became a problem for you to solve and fill
    with what you believed acceptable.

    You just had to try to show me
    how to be like you, how to bloom,
    because you believed you were destined
    to heal the world in tones of rose.
    Plant yourself in pain and
    somehow make it beautiful.
    But that life was not meant for me.
    I will never be a victim to my past,
    burying myself in the things that
    damaged my heart irrevocably.
    So I turned it to ash only to
    breathe the memories occasionally.
    I became what I needed
    in a frenzy of smoke and flame.
    I became born again.

    That fire has stayed alive every day.
    I burn to remind myself I am
    stronger than those memories,
    and when your little petals were
    scorched from the way I blaze,
    you said I was wrong, it was my fault,
    my flaws supposedly winning.
    But it is not my fault that you became
    a part of that burned past when you always
    lingered there and insisted
    on bringing it back, bringing me
    to the parts of my history that made me ill,
    then told me how I should heal.
    I was already over those times
    and had long moved on,
    looking ahead and never back
    at what had the power to break me down.
    I took the lessons learned
    and made them my strength.

    So don’t you see?
    I had to burn you away
    along with all that tried
    desperately to hold me still.
    Darling, I hope you’ve learned
    good and well that wild things
    never bend to your will.

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